if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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