The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
bring money and cleavage
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
