you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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