I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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