i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
