I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
