My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
