im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
