Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
