he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
