i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
