Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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