When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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