god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
