apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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