So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
soo... how was my night?
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