Quick, to the slutcave!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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