Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
