Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
