Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
