I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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