Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
