and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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