Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
