mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
