i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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