Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
