Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
