oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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