he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
