We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Drunk is a universal language darling
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