Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
