so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
