Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
