the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
