Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
