So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
