Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
