so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
