I wish I could punch you in the face.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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