No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Green mimosas i think yes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
