Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
