I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
