I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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