my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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