she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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