Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
