Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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