I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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