i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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