I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
pop tarts are not kleenex
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
